The Glorious Suez Canal Copyright © 2009 Colin Whyles

A song written in the style of Music Hall for an old friend who spent his time in the army defending Britain's interests, and some of his own, in the Suez Canal. The song tells an anecdote he relates about his attempt to swim across the Suz Canal. Note that the geography used is what he tells and is inaccurate.

I was on holiday for the country
At the Government's expense
Watching over the Suez Canal
And the NAAFI girls as well
It wasn't so hard to say “On guard!”
From the piano in the Sergeants' Mess
Or often just to say “Hold hard!”
Behind the NAAFI tent

Chorus. It was ninety miles from start to stop
And ninety feet from bottom to top
And only ninety yards across
The glorious Suez Canal

I was tired of Egyptian sand
(But not the NAAFI girls)
And so I thought I'd take a chance
To the Sinai bank I turned
I could swim with ease a hundred yards
When in a swimming pool
So ninety yards was naught to me
I jumped in like a fool

Ch.

I swam across without a thought
No crocodiles in sight
But when I reached the other bank
My goodness, what a fright!
I looked up to give a friendly wave
To our Israeli friends
And saw a sign said “Get out here
And we'll shoot you in the head!”

Ch.

I turned to swim the other way
To the Egyptian shore
And saw a ship as big as an house
Had started coming through
But I thought that I was big and strong
And thought about the tea
Waiting in the NAAFI
That the girls had brewed for me

Ch.


I swam and swam for ninety yards
This ship was swimming too
It sucked my legs from under me
It didn't like to lose
But I had got my hands in sand
A-scrabbling at the shore
I was going two ways
And the boat was steaming through

Ch.

Well I had got more reason
Than this boat could ever know
To get back to the NAAFI
That was where I had to go
I didn't care about the sand
In places I'd forgotten
If I had missed my gig that night
It really would be rotten!

Ch.

The boat was sucking at my legs
The bigger sucker was me
I scrabbled ashore, knew the piano for sure
Would be silent if I wasn't free
And they would miss my cheery tunes
If the Israelis hadn't missed me
And I would not be here
To have a taste of NAAFI tea

Ch.

There's many a good tune they say
Played on an old joanna
Without an old joannist too
How quiet the Suez would be
If the piano fell silent
What stories they would tell
In the Sergeants' Mess
Not to mention the NAAFI as well

Ch.

Coda. She was ninety minutes from start to stop
She always came at nine o'clock
Perhaps nine in the NAAFI was over the top
By the glorious Suez Canal